Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across by Mary Lambert

Author:Mary Lambert
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

Grown

It is Summer. I am six. I accidentally swallowed

watermelon seeds in our backyard. I am sweating

in my shame. I am sure that I am pregnant.

The tree in the yard says “how pretty, how pink”

I hate pink. I hate my dad. I hate pink.

We don’t have a yard. I didn’t even eat watermelon.

I am on the playground, repeating the phrase

“just be a kid, learn how to be a kid”

Everyone I know is fascinated with the Earth.

But I don’t care if the rain makes itself again

Recess is meant for chasing possible bachelors

to evaluate whether they could be good fathers.

I am in the foreground of the backyard that we do not have

I am pulling grass from my front teeth.

When I say grass I mean I didn’t want to be kissed like that.

The garden was choking me.

Someone cut holes in my flower dress.

I am an incomplete.

ete/ete/ete

Incest is a skipping stone

Cutting me with a memory knife before bed

I am a child falling off of a bar stool

I don’t have a backyard. The garden is choking me.

Stop it. There is no garden, Mary.

I am drinking too much.

I am throwing up. I am throwing up my

Hands, I do

I do want to know how clouds are made, I like

pink and I want a yard

I tattoo flowers on my arm and I missed it all

Jesus

I missed everything.

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